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Loving Husband
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.” The man thought about it and told him he would [...]
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The Dog Funeral
Muldoon lives with his dog in the countryside. When the dog dies, Muldoon goes to the parish priest. “Father, could you say a mass for the poor creature?” The father explains, “We can’t have services for an animal in the church, but there’s a new denomination down the road. Maybe they’ll do something for him.” [...]
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The Guiding Voice
A guy gets home from work one night and hears a voice in his head, which tells him, “Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas.” The man is disturbed at what he hears and ignores the voice. But the next day, the same thing happens: The voice tells him, [...]
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The Tomato Garden
An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his Tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament. Dear Vincenzo [...]
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The Persistent Drunk
A drunk walks into a bar, sits down, and demands a drink. “Get out!” the bartender shouts. “I don’t serve drunks here.” The guy staggers out the front door, comes back in through the side door, sits down, bangs his fist, and again loudly demands a drink. “I thought I just told you to [...]
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Feels Like a Woman
In a transatlantic flight, the plane passes into a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning and is detatched. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up at the front of the plane and yells, “I’m too young to [...]
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